


Between a Song and Silence

by HereticWithaPen



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Mutual Pining, Romance, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-03-02 22:25:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13327641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HereticWithaPen/pseuds/HereticWithaPen
Summary: Shortly after touching hands for the first time, Rey and Kylo brood over their confusing Force bond and try to unwind with some music. It doesn't work as well as they'd hoped.





	Between a Song and Silence

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I had a lot of fun with this one!
> 
> Here’s the deal — there’s an official Star Wars Spotify account that has playlists for each of the characters. Any lyrics, denoted in this story between ~ ~, are lines I pulled from Rey and Kylo’s respective playlists. Official playlists! They're a blast, and absolutely scream Reylo imo.
> 
> I earmarked a whole bunch of other lyrics, so stay tuned for Rey-and-Kylo-listen-to-songs round two at some point. ;)   
> \----------------------------  
> Note: I had posted this as Ch. 2 of another story, but I think it works better on its own. I plan to keep this one sweet, romantic and teen-rated, while the other is more explicitly intimate. Thanks for reading!

_Whoosh. Crack._

Tiny particles of rock exploded in a puff of dust as Rey struck the training boulder — again — with her staff.

_Harder!_ she told herself. Her breathing came heavy as she reset her footing, adjusted her stance. Tried to focus.

What in the universe had happened the other night?

They hadn’t actually acknowledged in words what had occurred — their Force connection had faded almost immediately, thank the stars. Rey’s cheeks burned. It had all been very confusing, learning she had this connection with Kylo Ren... or was it Ben? She didn't know. Two days had passed since they spoke, and the only thing she _did_ know was that the next time their Force bond connected them, she had no clue what she was going to do.

Heat that had nothing to do with the dual suns of Ahch-To spread to the rest of her face. She just couldn’t shake the memory from her head! The dark, the gasps. Voices, bliss, a touch. Ben.

“Ughh!” She swung the staff again. Another puff of splintered stone.

Forget how it had happened, what she really wanted to know was _why?_ That question, above anything else, bit at her more insistently than the porgs nipping at her ankles when she walked along the island’s cliffs.

_He_ — she was trying her hardest not to think his name — was the enemy. The enemy! And yet…

_Whoosh. Crack._

The strike reverberated up her arms, making her bones ache. Enough — she’d been at this for hours. The suns were setting. It was time to head in.

Rey swung the strap of her staff over her back, letting the weapon settle between her shoulder blades in its familiar spot. Soles heavy, she began the long hike back to the Jedi village and her austere sleeping hut.

On some level, she hoped that Luke would still be out doing whatever Luke did with his days, which mostly seemed to be chores — spearfishing, harvesting roots from the island’s gardens, chatting with the strange little Caretakers. She’d had a hard time meeting Luke’s gaze the past few days. Hell, she had a hard time meeting her own, eyes reflecting guiltily back at her in the Jedi temple’s shallow pool.

_I must listen to Luke. I can’t let myself be distracted by— by the dark side_ , she thought. Yes, staying focused was the only way.

 

***

 

“Ren?” A tight, irritated voice spoke up. “Did you hear me?”

Kylo stirred from his daydream, none too pleased about the thoughts sticking in his mind or the General’s questioning.

“Yes, Hux,” he replied stiffly, drumming a leather-gloved hand against the cold war table.

“Very well…” Hux grumbled, clearly unconvinced.

Kylo narrowed his deep brown eyes at the superior officer. “Continue as planned. We pursue the lead Resistance ship. They’ll run out of fuel eventually.”

He almost scoffed as Hux’s expression mirrored his own, an exaggerated sneer.

“That’s the point I’ve been trying to—” Hux’s complaint cut off as Kylo shot him a deadly glare. The general cleared his throat. “Yes, well. Going after the Raddus wasn’t a question, Ren. However, Snoke insists I keep you informed—”

Kylo stood, imposing over the shorter man. “Then I suppose we’re done here!” he snapped. The door hissed behind him as he strode impatiently from the room. He stalked the hallways, hardly seeing where he was headed. Mind a million miles away.

It had been a… confusing… week. Just earlier that day, the attack on the rebels’ ship… he’d hesitated. Hesitated because he knew Leia Organa was on that ship, and no matter how much he tried to think of her as an enemy general, she was still his mother. And now, she was dead?

He wasn’t sure. He’d seen the command deck explode, and had vaguely sensed her consciousness snuffed out as swiftly as a sword falling on a neck. Still, he wasn’t certain she was gone. He’d suppressed thoughts of her and his father for so long, trying to sense her now, intentionally, was like searching for someone through muddy water.

Kylo pushed the concerns away and continued through the halls. Stopping in on the bridge, his gaze swept over First Order officers and stormtroopers hard at work. Kylo could never help but notice how his subordinates anxiously averted their eyes whenever he entered a room. The reaction was empowering — they should fear him! — but at the same time, it meant he had no confidantes. No personal allies. No companions. No friends.

Two officers sitting at a navigational panel brought their heads together, whispering as their eyes darted to Kylo and back again. Normally, he might utter a subtle threat or scathing criticism, but without his helmet, crushed in a moment of unbridled rage, he felt naked. Just a child in a mask, now exposed.

His pace quickened as he hurried from the bridge, taking the least occupied path back to his quarters.

While doing the rounds successfully distracted Kylo from thoughts of his mother, he was not untroubled for long — if he could honestly say he was  _ever_ untroubled at all. The void left in his mind quickly filled with the same persistent thoughts that poured in any time there was a vacuum in his consciousness — thoughts of  _her._ The scavenger. Rey.

She plagued him, more aggressively than ever since— since…

Since whatever had happened between them a few days prior.

Kylo’s chest tightened at the memory. Warmth, breath, her hand against his own. He could feel her. He had been surrounded byher. By the Force, she had been everywhere.

The way she filled his mind, it was—

His fists tightened at his side.

_Intrusive._

Kylo slammed his hand into the button beside his quarters.

_Whoosh._

The door slid open and then closed behind him with a solid thud. Finally, he was alone. He sat heavily on the edge of his bed, head sunk in his hands.

Alone. This is what he was used to. Silence, without some scavenger filling his mind.

Without her.

 

***

 

Rey stretched out on her cot with her hands behind her head. She closed her eyes and listened. Nothing but the sound of waves crashing against the shore beneath the cliffs and the soft whistle of wind over the island’s slopes.  _Maybe I’ll hear from—_

Rey stopped herself mid-thought.

_No. That would be bad._

But, oh, would some company be nice… Luke didn’t exactly make for great company, and her stay on the island reminded her all too much of her lonesome days on Jakku.

On her way back to her hut, she’d smiled at a passing pair of Caretakers in a desperate attempt at friendship, but the squat beings had just grumbled something in their native tongue and pushed past her.

Suddenly, Rey sat up.  _Ah_ , there was something that could break the silence! She scrambled over to her scuffed leather messenger bag and pulled out a transmission radio she’d taken off the Falcon. Carefully, she extended the fragile antenna from the device’s boxy structure and fiddled with its dial until a staticy audio feed came through.

Music, flung to each corner of the galaxy by a system of relay beacons, all the way from Coruscant.

Rey resumed her place on the cot and tried to relax as a melodic song sung in Galactic Common began.

_~Fingertips drip down my spine_

_Cruel desire, danger in our consequence_

_You look my way and I lose my breath_

_Hey, you wanna rule the world?_

_Outlaw love, make you lose control_

_Hey, hey, boy you got me like whoa~_

 

Rey swallowed an exasperated scoff as the sultry voice sang on.  _Cruel desire,_ she thought. That was one way to put it. She tossed on the bed. Why couldn’t she even listen to music without being reminded of  _him_?

The longing in the singer’s voice seemed to say all the things Rey felt but couldn’t put into words. She focused on listening to only the beat, what was behind the words, until the song changed.

 

_~Dark times, you could always find the bright side_

_I'm amazed by the things that you would sacrifice_

_Just to be there for me~_

 

Rey squeezed her eyes shut as a burn rushed up the back of her throat. For so long, there was nobody who would sacrifice anything for her. Not until she met Finn and her friends in the Resistance. Han Solo—

Rey flinched at the painful memory.

She hated him, Kylo Ren. He was a monster.

But Ben Solo, if he still existed? Her scowl softened. She thought he did. This connection they shared, there wasn’t darkness in it. Only understanding, and something else…

 

_~When I'm with you_

_I'm standing with an army~_

 

Rey rolled her eyes. Kylo Ren— Ben— was an army unto himself, all right. But whether or not that army would be with or against her in the end, she wasn’t sure.

When they’d touched, she’d seen something, a vision. Only for a second, it was a general shape, but clear. Ben beside her — with her.

Could he still be saved?

 

***

 

Restless, Kylo rose from his bed and instead sat at his desk, a wide, rigid statement in metal affixed to the wall. Everything on the Supremacy was like that — harsh, bold, imposing. He rested his hand on the cold surface, longing for something softer, warmer to touch. His heart beat faster.

He needed a distraction.

Kylo tapped a gloved finger against the comm screen on his wall. The panel sprang to life at his touch. He swiped through commands until he’d pulled up the First Order’s cultural archive. In it, among pieces of literature and art, was a collection of music from conquered territories all over the galaxy. With another tap, he opened his personal library — songs he’d chosen to listen to during times of stress or when he’d needed to better control his emotions. Mostly, they were anthems of pain.

But hell, why reopen old emotional scars? Perhaps a change in perspective was just what he needed. Kylo set the songlist to randomly select from the entire archive and leaned back in his chair as music began to play.

 

_~I finally found her, and when I did I just couldn't make things right._

_Is this really happening? Oh, God, I think I just ruined my life._

_What the fuck am I doing?_

_I can't tell the difference from wrong and right._

_I second guess my decisions_

_'Cause I haven't been this person in my whole life~_

 

Kylo sat up. Stared at the wall comm. “What the fuck?” he groaned.

He quickly hit next, ashamed that the song hit too close to home. Was it possible for a song to be judgmental? He reached for the bottle of Rodian spice liquor he kept concealed in his desk. With a slight shakiness to his hand that annoyed him to no end, he splashed the drink into a glass and threw it back.

The liquor’s burn drew a raspy growl from his throat, just as the next song began to play.

 

_~Will the faithful be rewarded_

_When we come to the end?_

_Will I miss the final warning_

_From the lie that I have lived?_

_Is there anybody calling?_

_I can see the soul within_

_And I am not worthy_

_I am not worthy of this~_

 

Kylo’s grip tightened on the glass tumbler in his hand. He  _had_ been faithful — to the First Order, to Snoke. He’d done everything his master commanded and was stronger with the Force than ever before. He had it all.

So why did everything feel so empty?

 

_~Will the darkness fall upon me_

_When the air is growing thin?_

_Will the light begin to pull me_

_To its everlasting will?_

_I can hear the voices haunting_

_There is nothing left to fear_

_And I am still calling_

_I am still calling to you._

_Are you with me after all?_

_Why can't I hear you?_

_Are you with me through it all?_

_Then why can't I feel you?~_

 

With a jerk of his wrist, Kylo lashed out with the Force, sending the glass flying into the wall to crash into a thousand pieces.

“Fuck!” he shouted at no one. This was torture, and music was certainly  _not_ helping. Why did he want to talk to her so badly? He’d tried to connect with her after the other night, but it had been clear to him from the start that he had no control over if and when they could communicate.

Ever since then, each moment had felt like one long, held breath. Just waiting to hear from her again.

He closed his eyes, remembering. He’d been able to feel her as if she were sitting right in front of him. 

And he had _desired_ her, a realm of emotions that was uncharted territory. The only remotely intimate experience he had, the only time he'd kissed anyone, was long in his past — awkward teenaged fumblings with another Jedi apprentice under Luke’s tutelage. He could hardly remember. Those days felt like a different life.

But Rey, she was the present.  _And by our connection_ , Kylo suspected with growing unease,  _she’s my future, too._

 

***

 

_This song_ , Rey thought as the music changed.  _This song will make me feel better._

She’d been listening for what felt like hours, but each song somehow left her feeling more torn apart than the one before it. It was like the broadcaster, so many worlds away, had handpicked a playlist to tear her down, one note at a time.

 

_~I let it fall, my heart_

_And as it fell you rose to claim it_

_It was dark and I was over_

_Until you kissed my lips and you saved me~_

 

What had seemed like such a weakness in the brightness of day, a longing, suddenly felt so right, now that she was back in the safe darkness of her hut.

_Ben._ She imagined kissing his full lips, touching his hair, feeling his breath on her neck. She fell into the fantasy of it as her desire to push him away dissolved, lost in the dark.

 

_~When I lay with you_

_I could stay there_

_Close my eyes_

_Feel you here forever_

_You and me together_

_Nothing is better_

_'Cause there's a side to you_

_That I never knew, never knew~_

 

Rey wrapped her arms around herself as she curled deeper onto her cot. A whisper slipped from her lips into her thoughts.

_Ben._

A moment later, that familiar voice. But this time, full of surprise. “Rey?”

Rey’s eyes flew open. “Ben!”

A painful silence, long enough to make her question whether she’d imagined hearing him at all.

Then, finally, “I’m here.”

His voice — thoughts — sounded choked. Relieved, even?

Rey knew it was wrong, but she couldn’t quash the rush of happiness that ran from her fingertips to her temples, just knowing he could hear her.

She sat up in bed, clutching her thin blanket to her chest. “I’m here, too.”

Then, suddenly, like a ship burst out of hyperdrive, Rey could see him. She blinked, startled. He was hazy, not quite tangible, but he was sitting right in front of her, deep eyes downcast.

“I can see you,” she blurted. "And your surroundings!" Some of them, at least. Last time, all she'd seen was him, but now he was maskless and appeared to be sitting at a desk. A lamp cast light onto his face, and Rey cringed as she took in the scar that crossed his cheek. Her scar.

Ben’s eyes flashed up, widened. “I— I can see you, too,” he stuttered.

“Oh, umm.” She rubbed at her arm. “What do you see?” Rey asked, suddenly curious. The horrid, painful thought that he might use this sight to discern her location crossed her mind, and she scolded herself for not worrying about it before.

Ben’s gaze drifted around her before landing on her face once more. “I can see a little around you. But mostly, just you.”

There was a tenderness in his voice, a vulnerability beneath his intensity that caught her off guard.

 

_~I tried to tie my heart down, board up all the windows_

_Oh but it's too late now_

_I let you get too close_

_I know I should take cover, hide inside these four walls_

_But baby I surrender, it all~_

 

Ben inclined his head, piercing her with his eyes. His thick eyebrows rose. “Are you listening to music?”

“What? Why?” Rey asked. “Can you hear what’s around me?” That added a whole new level of risk to their conversations. What if he popped into her head during a lesson with Luke? Or worse, assuming this bond wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, when she was discussing plans for the Resistance with Leia?

Her heart raced until he said, “Not exactly. I can hear the lyrics in your thoughts.”

Rey let out a deep breath. “Oh. Good.” At least her thoughts she had some control over.  _Should_ have control over.

“What are you listening to?” Ben asked.

“Nothing,” Rey replied quickly. “It’s just— I don’t know. It’s the radio.”

 

_~Look at what you've done_

_I can taste the danger but I don't wanna run_

_So pull me to the ground and I won't put up a fight_

_I'm a caution taker, but baby you're a force of nature~_

 

A bit of the initial awkwardness in Ben’s voice was absent, replaced with a subtle taunting, as he noted, “Sounds like a love song.”

“It’s not,” Rey snapped back. Then, she narrowed her eyes. “Wait, are you listening to music, too?”

 

***

 

Shit.

Kylo tapped a finger anxiously against his desk. Why was it that he could command fucking armies, but she reduced him to an awkward, teenaged boy?  _Get a grip,_ he ordered himself.

Rey brought a hand to her lovely mouth and suppressed a snicker as Kylo’s face burned. She could hear him. Of course, she could hear him.

His finger twitched as he fought the urge to switch off the music, but he didn’t want to give Rey the satisfaction of making him squirm. So, the music played on.

Kylo gritted his teeth as he heard the lyrics.

 

_~You can't feel the heat until you hold your hand over the flame_

_You have to cross the line just to remember where it lays_

_You won't know your worth now, son, until you take a hit_

_And you won't find the beat until you lose yourself in it~_

 

_Well, that could’ve been a lot worse_ , he tried to reassure himself. It wasn’t like he was choosing these songs, anyway! Still, someone or  _something_ out there was deciding what to play. And they seemed unusually relevantto his current situation. A suspicious part within him itched, whispering in his skull,  _there are no such things as coincidences._

“I can hear the music you’re listening to, too,” Rey breathed, seemingly fascinated.

“Yeah, well, it’s just from the archives. You know, research on the cultures of territories—” Kylo’s voice trailed off. By the darkness, what was he rambling on about?  
 _Get a grip, get a grip, get a—_

He was coming undone.

The song continued.

 

_~Yeah, 'cause these are the things that we can't deny_

_I'm passing over you like a satellite_

_So catch me if I fall~_

 

Sweat beaded at the edge of Kylo’s dark hair. Okay, that was worse, but still, nothing to really insinuate there—

 

_~We'll sneak out while they sleep_

_And sail off in the night_

_We'll come clean and start over the rest of our lives_

_When we're gone we'll stay gone_

_Out of sight, out of mind_

_It's not too late_

_We have the rest of our lives_

_The rest of our lives.~_

 

_Oh, for fuck’s sake_ , Kylo groaned to himself. His ears burned, fingers fidgeting in his lap. He couldn’t have felt more exposed if he’d been standing there naked.  

“Oh, um,” Rey murmured, flustered. Then, to his surprise, her lips curved into a soft smile. “Sounds like a love song.”

A candle or lantern of some sort cast a golden light on her heart-shaped face.  _Angelic_ , was the word that entered Kylo’s mind as he looked up at her.  

He bit his lower lip. Beneath his embarrassment, there was a part of him that believed it would be truly nice to, like the song sang, sail off in the night. With Rey.

To start over and leave it all behind them. His thoughts swirled longingly back to the previous night — he thought he’d said something similar. If only he hadn’t been First Order, she Resistance…

“Ben, you know,” Rey said, hesitantly. “It’s  _not_  too late.”

His stormy gaze locked onto hers, and for one second, all he wanted to do was come to her, to cup her face in his hands, to kiss her. “It is.”

“It doesn’t have to be.” Rey sounded more decided, fingers gripping the edges of her cot, her body leaning toward him. She stood.

Kylo’s heart jumped as she took a step toward him. Then, a flicker.

“No—” he gasped. "Wait."

Rey’s eyes peered into him, wide and amber and imploring. She took another step, moving closer, but fading fast.

“Ben?”

…

Kylo’s pulse stumbled, and he flinched. When his eyes blinked open, she was gone. “Rey…? Rey? Rey? No—”

He held his breath until everywhere ached. There was so much to say, and—

…

_Silence._

_\----------------------------_

 

_*Songs referenced:_

_“Bloodstream” by Transviolet._  
 _“Army” by Ellie Goulding._  
 _“Out of Time” by A Day to Remember._  
 _“Ashes of Eden” by Breaking Benjamin._  
 _“Set Fire to the Rain” by Adelle._  
 _“Force of Nature” by Bea Miller._  
 _“Satellite” by_ Rise _Against._


End file.
